Friday, May 30, 2008

.8, Guess I'm going to crawl to the finish line. :D

And that is ok, just to get there is good enough...

I am now tipping the scale at 179.4! That's a number I ain't seen in a very long time...

Been a busy/rough week but the light at the end of the tunnel begins when I leave work today. From there it's off to NYC!

My goal for NYC is to keep on losing weight. YES I will enjoy a treat or two while I am there, but I also expect to be walking ALL OVER that fine city and I will come back showing a loss of weight. Of that, I have no doubt. I also plan to use the gym facilities and pools if they are available. (I've packed workout gear and a bathing suit. :D)

This week has been rough...and I learned I wasn't correctly calculating a couple of the foods I eat regularly...which helps explain the slow crawl to the finish I need to start with fresh eyes on the program as if I'm a newbie and not 18 months into it.

My son basically quit his job here at my work this week, via Text message...though he still isn't quite ready to accept that responsibility and also a few others. I have to keep reminding myself that the lessons are HIS to learn and I just need to let him go far enough to learn them. I've been REALLY guilty of trying to cushion his falls and hope he'll learn. The truth is, he isn't learning...and how many of us learn the cushy way? I sure didn't. So I shed a few tears for the waste that it is that we, as humans, HAVE to learn things the hard way...and the loss of having my son near me at work every weekday. We're good, I love him to pieces, but it's time to really let him fly...go son go! You're going to be fine. I gave you the best tools for your toolbox, I have no doubt you're going to be successful in the face of life's challenges.

I just wish I didn't hurt so much...gotta work harder on the whole "ego" and "attachment" thing. It's such an adjustment for me...for so many years, it was Sam and me...the level of communication and understanding we have...well, another single mom would understand it I think. It's subliminal at times.
I'm enjoying the fact that I get to live my life for me now...but for so many years, my life revolved around him...I'm not at a loss for what I'll do's just that he won't be such an integral part of it all. That's the adjustment and the attachment that is painful to let go of I think. It's a mix of emotions actually; there's pain, sadness, anger, relief, happiness, trepidation and confidence. And that's all about ME...because, deep down...I know he'll be ok. Whatever life throws at him, short of taking him from this world (and I'm not going to think too long on that one), he's got the tools and the brain to handle. I know he does, I raised him and I see evidence that he learned it everytime we talk. Now my job is only to help him pick himself up, dust himself off and continue on his journey when he's done all he can and needs a little help. No more rescuing him from the bumps of life. Bumps are good, the tougher the better.

I thought I let go when he moved out...but truly, working with me only prolonged the letting go and grieving process for me. So, I'm going to go on vacation tonight and breathe, enjoy time with my man and some friends, and continue to find out who I am beyond "Sam's Mom".

Pics from NYC when we get back. And yes, I'll find a place to weigh in next week while we're there!

Have a wonderful week!

Sunday, May 25, 2008

'Nother .4 off.

I misposted last week, that's been corrected. I think the misposting is interesting tho, I said I tipped the scale at 180.2 when it was actually 180.6 last week...and so this week I made it to 180.2. :D

So Maybe I should say I tipped the scale at 176.3 or something. :D :D

I've adjusted to the simple fact that I won't reach my goal weight by my birthday, but the trip next week to NYC and all the walking we'll be doing around that beautiful city will certainly jump start the metabolism. I'm taking a bathing suit to take advantage of the hotel pools too. Chlorine sure does a number on my hair though, I think I may get a bathing cap...I don't care how dumb it looks, my hair gets FRIED in chlorine.

I'm so excited about taking vacation. The prep before will be all about the girly stuff. Getting my eyebrows threaded (that's an indian technique involving twisted thread to pull the hair out) and then getting my hair did on Thursday night...with some advice on the correct way to iron my hair for the optional straightlook. I'm also considering getting another color of the clip in hair extensions like the blue ones I have already. Purple anyone? But then, I keep thinking RED would be hot. :D So, the girly stuff is fun again, and a large part of this journey is about getting back to enjoying that part. Probably get a mani-pedi with my friend Kate in NYC if I can convince her on our girl's day out. Those are a nice treat any time.

I have my laptop back and in working order, so tracking is back on track...and I did the usual "Date Night" thing where I eat what I want, within reason and use up some of those weekly optional calories. So, a few drinks (mostly wine) and some fried food were on the menu last night. Today, (Sunday) has been about sleeping in (til noon!), making breakfast, being lazy and blogging. Now I think I'll get ready to head out and move this body for a while. The sky is overcast so the pool won't be happening, but it's great weather for a nice long walk. With the usual place being a bit soggy, we'll head for the paved path by my work and head towards the beach, that will be a nice LONG walk.

See ya! Have a Happy Memorial day cookout and a great week!

Friday, May 16, 2008

New Pictures, New -do.

So I thought it was time to post some more pictures...I got a new hairdo as well, the transformation is almost complete! BWAHAHAHAHAH!

But seriously, I'm 14.6 lbs lighter than the last photos taken in March. :D

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Down another 3.2 this week

Tipped the scale at 180.6 last night. Only 30.2 lbs to go to my goal of 150...and when I get there, who knows, I may keep going just 10 more pounds, but we'll see how 150 feels. It's a healthy weight so it may be the right weight for my body.

I walked more last week, took my dog out for a 2.4 mile trek a few times. I've been avoiding the bluff because the uneven ground tends to aggravate the leg issues. Walking on the even sidewalk is good for both of us. She gets to grind her little doggy nails down and I get to walk farther with less or no pain.

I'm kind of excited, I've been asked by our meeting leader to enter a contest the company is sponsoring to share my story. The prizes are a trip to NYC, a 4 night stay, some cash to spend and roundtrip maybe I'll get the big apple twice this year! I don't think I've mentioned that I leave for 9 days on the east coast on May 30th!!

Yes, I'm going to spend 5 wonderful days in the big apple, just soaking up the atmosphere and tromping ALL OVER that lovely city. Then we're off to CT to visit family and friends, TROMP around the area where I was born and grew to about 7 years of age and then back to Long Island for an overnight stay before we fly back home. I love NYC. I could live there for a couple years, but then I think the west coast beaches would call me home again. There's something odd to me about a sunrise over the beach...although I get both sunrise AND sunset here in Santa Barbara...the beauty of a south facing beach. :D

The upcoming week will be interesting, heading off to Vegas for my nephew's graduation. I'm taking my swimsuit cuz my hotel and my sister's community center has a pool. I'll swim in the sunshine when I can, and when I can't I'll use the indoor pool at the hotel...I think they have a whirlpool too, so I'll definitely take advantage of that! Maybe visit their gym room in the mornings too...we'll see. I need to make sure to move as much as I can while I'm there, because the 6 hours of car riding each way (I'm driving) isn't the best opportunity to move my body. 12 hours sitting on my butt...have to counteract that somehow. :D

I'll be back to normal on Wednesday when I get back into the groove of the workday/weekend thing...although it won't really be back to normal until after June 20th.
Next week is a 3 day work week, the following week is Memorial day, so that's a four day work week, then I'm off on vacation the first week of June, then I work 4 days the following two weeks due to a long weekend vacation event that Jef and I are attending up in Tahoe, CA. I call it the Geekfest, but it's actually really cool. .

Fusion2008 is a gathering of some very smart, very interesting people with a variety of experience in life and tons of cool ideas about the future and where it's going, where they want it to go. While we're there, we set goals and work on clarifying goals that may be a bit "ethereal" so that we can get more solid and work toward them as well. I'd already set a goal of weight loss when we attended last years event, but that group helped me clarify some other issues and I've really been able to work on each one to some extent this past year. I've done this year's profile so I'm looking forward to attending and seeing what the year ahead will have in store for me as I continue to work toward creating a more goal oriented life.

All in all the next few weeks will be fun, interesting and exciting and in the midst of all of it, I need to write a 400 word essay about my experience with the weight loss plan I'm I can enter the contest. Wish me luck! I'll know if I made it sometime in September of 2008.

My goals this week:
Finish up the billing at work so I can relax on vacation
Move move move while in Vegas and when I get back home: Swim at least 90 mins total and walk at least 160 mins total.
Watch my food intake at the parties and buffets in Vegas...and the car ride to and fro :D

Have a wonderful week...what goals will you set for YOURSELF this week?

Friday, May 9, 2008

Up a pound 183.8 this week

Funny, I started walking this week too...BUT I ended up being sick too, so who knows...I'm still sick, and will take it easy this weekend in hopes of getting better. Sore throat, can't focus, cough. The bugs this year are hellacious. :(

I have to admit, I'm struggling a bit, but I'm NOT GIVING UP.

Not feeling well, so this is a short post.
Have a good week!

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Another 1.2 lbs down. 182.8 now...creeping along.

I have two months to lose 32.8 pounds and I don't think that's healthy...but I could do it if I would JUST GET MOVING. I'm stretching irregularly, but I am stretching at least once a day. I'll shoot for twice this week because I am reaping the benefits and having less pain in my leg.

I got a new swimsuit last weekend and haven't used it yet. Was a WARM weekend but I took too long to get into the pool and didn't leave myself enough time...and the weather has since cooled off a bit. Oh well, at least I'm ready for when the weather is warm again.

I went to Ann Taylor a few nights ago and tried on clothes there, I was AMAZED to find I could fit into pants and skirts in a size 14...but the dresses...although, with help, I could zip them up...I couldn't BREATHE once I was zipped. The "girls" are bit robust for an Ann Taylor size 14 dress I think. I think a 16 would fit but our local shop doesn't carry anything above a 14 and even that is a rare find there. Still it was exciting and another piece of information to add to my changing body image.

I also purchased some resistance tubing and bands. I've used them a little one time and they'll do the trick for toning that I'm in desperate need of...can't believe how saggy/baggy the older body becomes as it loses weight. You'd think, after carrying 110 lbs, I'd have some MUSCLE under there. :D :D

Dealing with Stress is still a bit of an issue, had a really hard day yesterday and I went for chocolate, but I've found some really rich chocolate called Hershey's Whole Bean that I can eat and savor very slowly so that less is so satisfying to my desire for the flavor of chocolate. Yum. Unfortunately, it seems it's being discontinued around here, so I may have to order it from Amazon or something. Try it if you can find it, it's really wonderful.
I also reached for Wine, which isn't horrible...basically, I was still looking for food to comfort me...but I kept the portions sane. All in all, I'm getting better at it, and that's a good thing.

I did finally figure out what my trigger food category is...Fried salty stuff. French fries, zucchini, (you know that breaded fried kind that is soooo yummy), potato chips, the Kettle chips rock my socks. Anyway, if I have those, I gotta stick to preportioned servings and not have any in my house. I'm best off just avoiding them, but I realize now that there will be times I'll just trigger out and eat a bag of chips. If Faith Hill can do it sometimes and still be healthy, I suppose I can do it a couple times a year and live too. It's that once a day or once a week or even once a month that will GET me. This is really all about awareness and changing my relationship with food afterall. I have discovered some chips that are pretty good substitutes, they're at Safeway or Von's and they're a newer store brand called "Eating Right." I can eat 28 chips for 110 calories. They aren't super healthy, but they are certainly healthier than real chips. :D The Barbecue Flavored ones are my favorite.

Trader Joe's has some wonderful multigrain tortilla chips that I love to enjoy on a taco salad or with some salsa. Try them, you get quite a nice portion and they're high in fiber, low on calories. And, actually, Trader Joe's has a TON of healthy foods to choose from, they really are great for those of us trying to make healthier choices. Not to mention their pricing is fantastic!

So, I'm stretching, and will increase that to twice daily - morning and night, thanks Jef for your support this week...just keep "asking" me ok? *smooch*
I'll swim if the weather is warm enough, or I'll doggie will appreciate that, and I'll use my toning bands/tubes once a day too. Start toning up the wiggly arms and thighs...and see if the saggy butt will lift a bit too. Time to really transform the body into healthy muscle, work out a bit more so that the last of the unhealthy weight will come off more easily and also, just because I always feel better AFTER I've done some form of Exercise...

Someday...I'll have a bicycle. OOOH! I know!!! I have to WORK For a bike! yeah!, I work out as promised above thru the end of July 2008 and I can get me a bike. Nothing fancy, just something I can ride around on. Wish me luck! And have a great week.