Sunday, May 1, 2011

Day 3 of Cycle 3 - so much good stuff going on.

Just finished watching the movie "Eat, Pray, Love" and was reminded to be mindful. All the things I learned from reading "Women, Food and God" came back to remind me to enjoy the entire meal, from prep to eating.

I made a creation for dinner tonight, made poor man's spaghetti sauce but it was damn flavorful and delicious. I didn't have all the vegetables my mother would have used, but I did a good job filling in with what I do have and it. was. amazing.

All the things I've been reading, learning and incorporating into my life are helping to create a much more peaceful space, one where I can stop and smell the roses. One with less guilt, less stress and whole lot more love, happiness and smiles. It's good to be me again.

I'm down from 277 to 249 as of this morning...28 pounds in 37 days. Not bad! Not starving AT ALL, feel GREAT and the best part? My blood pressure is healthy again. No meds!

Currently, my short term goal is to be close to 230 by the end of May. I want to be able to walk around Seattle and enjoy the city a bit without knee or hip or back pain. I want to be unconcerned about how I fit into the airplane seat. And I'm well on my way.

Only thing I've been lax about is exercise and when I do get out and move, I'm reminded of how out of shape I've let myself become again. How difficult it is to do things that were easy just a couple years ago. I also remember how I got to the point they were easy and so that has given me the motivation I need to keep going, once I start.

So the next few weeks will mean more moving. LOT'S more moving. Less computing, less facebooking...detaching from this box I'm typing on and getting into the world. I'll post about as often as I am, unless I have some huge AHA! moment to share.

Just know, if you're reading this and struggling with some addiction, whether it's food related, cigarettes, drugs or something else...recovery is a journey too. You'll fall down sometimes...but each time you fall is a chance to learn about yourself and what makes you tick. A chance to look inside and make changes where you want to, changes that don't come easy or go away in the blink of an eye. Changes that come with stumbling and grasping and choking and stomping...but the changes can get healthy, whatever that means to you.

For me, it means being the best me I can be, whatever size I wear. As long as I'm healthy (which I am not at the moment) the rest will take care of itself.

Monday, March 28, 2011

New day, new plan (Day 3)

A few weeks ago, while flipping channels for some background noise while I polished my fingernails, I came across Dr. Phil talking to some ladies in his audience about an eating plan that he and the show "The Doctors" are hyping. The audience members had lost quite a bit of weight and were singing the praises of the plan so I did some research.

I found it is a modified Atkins-type plan that changes a few things up every 17 days. "This could be the plan I can get my hubby on board with!" I thought. So I bought the book on Amazon for less than $13 and it arrived a couple days later. I skimmed it for the basics, made a shopping list and this past Saturday, we began this new way of eating.

Day three, and though I find my car wants to turn into the old haunts, my body steers me down the same bad aisles of the grocery store, I am not hungry or feeling deprived or anything. Of course, that may have a lot to do with my mindset. I'm back on the determination wagon. I feel pretty good, though a little tired today, mostly from lack of enough sleep last night, but generally good! Hydration is such a good thing. I forget that sometimes.

I'm hoping to be at least 20 lbs lighter by the time I go to Washington State to visit family and friends.
I don't have a working scale at the moment, (we need a battery for it) but I'm guessing I tilt the handle at a whopping 268 or so... 100lbs up from almost reaching my WW goal. I let a little shame get in my way...and could not get over it and get back to the meetings. My issue, I'll wear it and work on it.

Wish me and hubby luck as we travel this road together for a change. :)

Friday, March 4, 2011

I've recently come to the very strong conclusion that I have become 'closed off' from life. Shut down from the bad stuff and therefore unable to enjoy the good stuff...with so much pent up frustration and emotion that the tears are always threatening to break through in a deluge of salt water to shame the Red Sea.

Life coaching is helping though I keep losing focus and going down paths that won't really help me reach my fault of my coach, he keeps asking me what I want to work on...but somehow we've been ending up discussing my job and how I can make that better...unfortunately, his perspective is from the outside looking in and without the information I have from working there these past 6 years. It's not a bad place to work, but changes are happening that are completely outside of my control and so I do my best and ride the wave of change. 

However, since the life coaching thing is only focusing on one viewpoint of my life, and since I've recently enjoyed a talk over at one of our local Buddhist Temples in town, I've decided to take an 8 week course there called "Everyday Happiness, Happiness Everyday" and I think the timing is perfect.

Today, while surfing their site:  I came across these videos.  The one on Stress spoke to me so I watched it and remembered how I used to be. So much awareness has escaped me in these last two years. I am sooooo stuck in anger and suffering. I am looking forward to remembering who I am in the weeks ahead.  Then maybe I will be fully ready to re-engage in this other Journey...but the Journey to the INNER me is taking precedence because the INNER me is in such turmoil that the Thinner me is just about unreachable.

For the next few weeks, I will share what I've gleaned from the classes ahead and hopefully find my way back to the path of the thinner, healthier me during this exploration. 

Introductory Videos

Some brief teachings given by Kadampa Teachers from across the United States on various topics:

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Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Time to begin....again

Hi everyone. I'm ready. Ready to begin again. I've allowed myself to gain back most, if not all, of the weight I lost here...and I don't know exactly because our scale needs a battery. How convenient.
Tomorrow night is Weight Watchers. I'm going. I'm sucking up my pride and shame and going to take care of me.

I thank a friend from years gone by for inspiring me to get back on the wagon. Thanks J.
You can find her blog here.

I've learned a ton of things about myself, my body and my mind these past couple years...and right now, I'm going to pick up "Women, Food and God" and give it another read.

Here we go....Pictures and weight in the next post. We'll post up once a week after weigh-in.